If you are like many of us, you have experienced imposter syndrome—the feeling that you are not really worthy of what you are doing. You might feel that those around you are truly better equipped, more experienced, or more skillful at their craft. You feel like you aren’t the smartest person in the room. Even worse, a nagging voice in your head keeps saying, “you’re going to screw this up”. Whether you are sharing an opinion, making a recommendation, or challenging a new idea, you fear you will look like a fool and be “outed” once and for all.
The Trap of Pluralistic Ignorance
In her TED Talk on the subject, Elizabeth Cox notes that even those at the very pinnacle of their craft exhibit these feelings. Both Maya Angelou and Albert Einstein believed they did not deserve to be honored and thought of with such high esteem. This despite—or perhaps because of—their massive success.
Cox introduces the phrase “Pluralistic Ignorance,” which describes how most people feel their lack of confidence is unique to them. Citing research by Pauline Rose Clance, Cox notes that while many people experience self-doubt, they rarely express these fears openly. This leads them to doubt positive feedback and react to criticism by feeling they have been “caught” or outed. This fear often prevents people from taking on challenges or speaking up because they are terrified of looking foolish.
The Reframe: The Imposter as Protector
The common solution is to recognize you aren’t alone; almost everyone (except perhaps the narcissist) feels like a fraud in some sense. We are told to “come out of the doubt closet,” talk about it with others, and treat failure as a learning experience.
However, during my Coaching Certification in NYC, we looked at it from a different perspective. Rather than trying to silence the voice that says you aren’t ready for anything bigger or better, we asked a simple question: Why am I telling myself this?
Rather than landing on doubt, how about fear? We are afraid of failing, embarrassment, and ridicule because we know those things can wound us. In this interpretation, the voice of doubt isn’t belittling you for fun—it is warning you because failure and hurt are possible. It is warning you of the dangers of change and the vulnerability of speaking up. It isn’t saying you are a fake; it is simply saying, “don’t do it—you could get hurt”.
The imposter is really a protector.
How to Talk to the Protector
If you view the voice as a protector, your strategy changes. You don’t try to squelch the voice or call it out for its warnings. Instead, you pivot to welcome its concern:
- Talk directly to the voice: Engage with the protector directly.
- Offer Gratitude: Say “thank you” for its concern, warnings, and worry.
- Provide Assurance: Tell the protector that you are up for the challenge and that you can handle the risk.
- Give it a rest: Thank them for the warning, and then ask them to “kindly take a seat on the bench”.
The “Jimmy” Example
For those familiar with the movie Hoosiers, the finale provides a stunning example of the “Imposter” as a friend and protector. With the team down by one point, Coach Norman (Gene Hackman) diagrams a play where his star player, Jimmy, is used only as a decoy. When the Coach finishes, the players don’t move; they look concerned. The Coach is angry and scared, but everyone looks to Jimmy.
Jimmy slowly looks up and says three simple words: “I’ll make it”.
Jimmy wasn’t ignoring the pressure; he was answering the fear. Next time you feel like an imposter—whether you are excusing your ideas before you even give them or staying silent to avoid embarrassment—remember that the voice is just your protector motivated by fear. Fear of missing the shot. Remember Jimmy. Say those words to your protector, and move forward. You’ll both be better off for it.
References:
- Elizabeth Cox TED Talk: https://youtu.be/ZQUxL4Jm1Lo?si=3nf_bfwtqHwg16q9
- Hoosiers: Jimmy’s Final Shot: https://youtu.be/TdT_PiRLsaI?si=92nC4DJWufAN3QWC